


Midnight Doodles

by ThatRingsABelle



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Keith (Voltron), How Do I Tag, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Internalized Homophobia, Lance (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance is a bi disaster, M/M, Pining Lance (Voltron), Seriously Hunk is great, Soulmates, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), klance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-07-16 00:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16074440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatRingsABelle/pseuds/ThatRingsABelle
Summary: Ripples appeared in the puddles faster than they could fade away, rain was seemingly coming down in sheets rather than droplets. Lance dashed through the mist, hoping to outrun it. He felt the wet sand under his feet, uncomfortably rubbing against his skin. But he didn't care, he needed the ocean.He collapsed onto his knees once he got there, exhausted from running so fast. The waves gently rolled over his legs, bringing shells and small stones as though as a means of comfort. Looking up at the sky, he could tell his face was wet, either with tears or the heavy rain. Probably both. He began to slow his breathing down to calm himself.He brought his left arm up to his face, staring at the blue and red ink together forming the purple clouds draped over his skin. He blinked and more tears fell into the water. He pushed his own arm down forcefully, submerging it in the docile waves, furiously scrubbing around his wrist. He lifted it back up and felt like screaming when he saw only his sketches had gone. The red ink boastfully stayed, glaring up at him as he tried again. But it wouldn't go. His soulmate wouldn't go.-Lance wanted a soulmate. He just didn't want it to be Keith.





	1. Sick of Losing Soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this chapter will seem kinda rushed because I'm just trying to set out an initial universe so sorry about that, the next chapter will be better.
> 
> Also this is an alternative canon.

Ripples appeared in the puddles faster than they could fade away, rain was seemingly coming down in sheets rather than droplets. Lance dashed through the mist, hoping to outrun it. He felt the wet sand under his feet, uncomfortably rubbing against his skin. But he didn't care, he needed the ocean.

He collapsed onto his knees once he got there, exhausted from running so fast. The waves gently rolled over his legs, bringing shells and small stones as though as a means of comfort. Looking up at the sky, he could tell his face was wet, either with tears or the heavy rain. Probably both. He began to slow his breathing down to calm himself.

He brought his left arm up to his face, staring at the blue and red ink together forming the purple clouds draped over his skin. He blinked and more tears fell into the water. He pushed his own arm down forcefully, submerging it in the docile waves, furiously scrubbing around his wrist. He lifted it back up and felt like screaming when he saw only his sketches had gone. The red ink boastfully stayed, glaring up at him as he tried again. But it wouldn't go. His soulmate wouldn't go.

****

Doodling on his arm was something Lance had always done. It was a habit, like nail biting or pen tapping, he just couldn't help it. He had a specific blue pen that he carried almost everywhere, giving him a strange sense of identity from the individuality of it. It was his, and as someone who was longing to find out who he was, it defined him.

Drawing patterns and swirls made him focus and cleared his mind from distractions, nothing needed to be important to him when he could just trace the veins under his skin.

When he was younger, Lance had never had many friends, he just came off too overexcited and hyper. It gave people the impression he would be a lot to handle, which in fairness, was probably true. But it still had an effect on him, after a while of people only ever going as far as acquaintances with him, he gave up hope of getting a best friend like he'd always wanted, which obviously meant he was immediately singled out as a target for other troubled kids who dealt with their issues in a violent way.

Watching the blue ink running along his forearm kept him sane throughout this. And it was something personal to him, and him only. No one could take that away from him.

That was, until someone did. Until someone else started doodling too.

He was half-asleep in French when he discovered he had a soulmate. He hated French. It was similar to Spanish with some words and phrases, but much more difficult to understand, plus he already knew two languages and so learning another seemed like too much of an effort. It had been a long day, the names they were calling him were getting worse and worse, but it was Lance, he figured if he ignored them for long enough, they would eventually go away.

Pulling his hand away to admire the swirl he had just drawn on his wrist, he noticed a red speck next to it that he certainly didn't remember drawing. It started spreading, curving around the swirl he'd printed on, and eventually finished with a flick around the centre. He let out a small squeal of shock while staring at the new red ink incredulously, and half the class turned around to look at him.

"Lance, is there any reason to why you are imitating Minne Mouse?" The teacher asked with sarcasm dripping from her words. And not the good sarcasm that was funny and obviously joking, it was the sarcasm that screamed arrogance and had definite malicious intent.

"No, miss" he stated quickly, pulling down his sleeve hastily.

"Good." The teacher turned back to the board and the girl sitting in front of him snickered, setting the whole class off. Great, he had found another reason to hate French.

He'd spent the whole night researching soulmates online. How some people had them but most didn't, how ink would come up on both of their skin if one drew on it, how most people couldn't see their soulmate's writing until their early teens, and how they could either be seen as romantic or completely platonic.

He fell in love with the idea that someone would want him no matter what, unfortunately he mistook this for falling in love with his soulmate. He eagerly wrote a "hello?" next to his doodling, and leant back in his chair.

Five minutes went past.

He looked down at his arm, disappointed, he wasn't the most patient person.

Ten minutes went past.

Maybe his soulmate was busy? He couldn't expect them to always be ready to answer.

Fifteen minutes went past.

They probably should've answered by now, especially since his soulmate was supposed to be his "perfect person" and he knew that if they were, they'd always be ready to answer him.

After twenty minutes, he began to worry. What if he'd scared them away? What if they're dead? What if he'd imagined the whole thing? He looked back at the now faded red ink, now extremely confused. Why would anyone not respond to their soulmate?

He got up and went over to his bed, falling onto it exasperatedly, he looked up at the ceiling.

With his mind now a jungle of troubling thoughts, he slipped into an uneasy sleep.

****

He knew there was something he had to do when he woke up, but his brain hadn't fully switched on yet and he was left looking round drowsily. He looked down at his hand to see it was still clutching his pen. Remembering the night before, he lifted his arm so quickly it almost hit him in the face.

Eyes scanning it quickly, his face fell when he saw no reply to his writing. Just to make sure, he turned his arm over to see the other side. He let out a small gasp. There, on the side of his wrist, was a tiny, red, star, with nothing else around it. Lance didn't quite know how to react, so he sat there in complete amazement for a few minutes.

Slowly, he lifted his pen, taking the cap off with his thumb, and drew a matching star next to it, shaking slightly as he did.

After a few moments, he watched as a red line grew across his skin, weaving it's way around the pre-existing ones. Lance responded by drawing a line over that one, making a sort of crisscross pattern. He smiled when the two colours blended together, creating a purple. He had found a new identity.

****

After that, he thought every female he came into contact with was definitely his soulmate. And if he ever developed a crush on them, then it was certain.

It wasn't the most practical way of finding out who it was, as he was always wrong, but that didn't matter to him, he would eventually find out who now painted his arm with him. He didn't tell anyone about them though, it was personal.

However, just as he had gotten comfortable with the idea that he had a soulmate, the bulling got worse. One of the kids had spotted the two different colours on his arm, and cornered him, forcing him to confess, then threatened to tell the whole school if he didn't do whatever they said. He would come home with bruises and cuts, trying to always act as thought he was completely fine. He knew he had to do something, but he didn't want to appear like he couldn't handle himself.

So he decided to apply for the Garrison.

He'd always had an interest in space, he found great comfort in looking up at the stars, imagining himself soaring between the gems in the purple, inky, night sky. But then it was just an interest, now it would be an escape.

****

Eat. Study. Doodle till he fell asleep. That was his routine for the next however many months, completely ignoring anything he found fun or interesting, he'd never really had any friends to go out with anyway, but this was all for the sole purpose of running away.

He remembered the day he got his answer. His whole family gathered round the dining room table as he opened the letter with trembling hands.

He only read the first line before cheering and hugging his mama, tears of pride streaming down her face.

He'd gotten in. He'd successfully escaped.

And then he met Keith.

He hated Keith.

He hated his stupid mullet, and his stupid red jacket, and his stupid smug smirk he'd put on when he knew he was annoying Lance.

Well, "hated" was probably the wrong word, more so the opposite really.

But disguising it with hatred was easier, much easier, than admitting any type of feelings. However, as his rivalry grew, so did his crush, to the point where he even teased the idea that Keith was his soulmate to himself, but no, it was wrong. He wasn't gay. He couldn't be.

He didn't exactly know why, but he knew it was bad, the other kids had often called him words that were synonyms of gay, and he refused to admit they were anywhere near the truth. Besides, he knew he liked girls too, so it was probably just Keith who made him feel all fluttery.

However he was hanging out in his dorm with Hunk, his first and best friend, when he came to a realisation. He had already been thinking about his emotions, it was hard to think of anything but Keith anymore, when it suddenly dawned on him, Shiro. He assumed that he had looked up to the guy as he was a successful pilot and he had been one of the people on the Kerberos mission, but maybe there was another reason too...

Nope, he was not having it. He was straight, end of discussion, goodbye troubling thoughts, and good riddance.

He hated this feeling. It felt like he couldn't trust himself. He couldn't even decide whether he liked boys or girls, so how could he be trusted to decide anything else?

He pushed the thoughts away, he didn't need them, and repressing them was the only option he could see available.

"Hey? Lance, you okay?" Hunk was trying to get his attention, Lance looked over at him, questioningly.

"Sorry, you just blanked out for a minute there, you okay?"

"Yeah, thanks, I'm fine" he lied through his teeth, hating every word of what he just said.

****

A lot happened in the next school year, Hunk and him had a Pidge join them, so their duo became a trio, Keith had left so Lance was upgraded to fighter class, and he managed to convince himself that didn't miss the mullet at all. Not even a little. He promised.

But then, just as he was beginning to forget about all the troubling Keith thoughts, the universe decided to fling the both of them into space, and now they had to work as a team, or else everyone would die. Great one, universe, really good for Lance's emotions.

One actual good thing though, was Allura, and although he'd never seen any evidence of her being his soulmate, he'd never seen any against it either, so his hopes were very high. She was pretty, smart, and an amazing leader, knowing he definitely liked her helped with his Keith crush, it meant that there was still a possibility he was normal, and he really needed that.

But he was also now in a team with Shiro, which definitely didn't help his side of the "Was my childhood hero actually my childhood crush?" Debate.

He still doodled, and his soulmate still doodled back, but for once, he felt angry at them, they still gave him no answer, no matter how much he wrote, and yet he knew they saw all of them. He even wrote "hello" in every language on google translate, all the way up his arm once. It took him two hours, and yet, still no answer.

And it wasn't just them not responding, they had made him feel so many different emotions that he didn't even know existed. It was overwhelming. So many thoughts and feelings battling in his head, but he didn't want to tell anyone about his soulmate, so he just had to pretend like everything was fine, and hopefully things would work themselves out.

He quickly learnt that he was wrong. Very, very wrong.


	2. Secret for the Mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the positive feedback, it really made me want to post the next one!

He was drowning.

Drowning in thoughts, drowning in choices, drowning in his mind.

Of course, he was also actually drowning, but he didn't realise that until later.

Lance managed to open his eyes, seeing some blurry shapes in front of him, but mostly it was an endless expanse of blue. He couldn't breathe, nor remember where he was, so he started to panic.

His helmet.

Where was it? He couldn't breathe, so he needed it, but it hurt his eyes to focus on anything.

Something hit him in the stomach. He doubled over in pain and assumed he'd already been hit there because it hurt more than it should've.

One of the shapes floated past his head, he grabbed it without thinking. There were voices coming from it.

"Lance?!"

"Where are you?!"

"Lance, buddy, come in..."

He recognised the voices, but they sounded strange, distant, and it was unnerving. One of the voices spoke, something about finding him on a scanner, but he couldn't remember who it was. He felt the thing hit him again before he blacked out.

****

"Keith, he's not gonna magically heal if you keep staring at him."

That was Pidge's voice, why couldn't Lance remember it before?

"I know... but it was my idea to split up, I feel bad..." And that was Keith's voice, he was sure of it, it spoke again, seemingly trying to distract itself "Coran? Have you found anything else about that thing that attacked him?"

"I'm afraid not, all I know is that it disorientates their prey before attacking, Lance might not even remember it when he wakes up..."

"If he ever does" Pidge's voice sent the room into a stunned silence.

"Wait- no no no, I meant- I didn't mean that- I meant because- it's taking a long time-"

"He'll be okay, right?" Keith seemed to be talking in a hurried and nervous tone.

"Aww, are you worried about me, mullet?" Lance said sleepily, without opening his eyes.

Multiple voices shouted his name, and he heard footsteps rush towards him. He yawned before looking up at them.

"Good morning, guys" he saw all of them there, clearly worried, Hunk even looked as though he'd been crying.

"Lance? Are you okay?" Allura got his attention, an agitated expression painted on her face.

"Yeah I'm fine, what's going on?" He blinked obliviously.

Hunk suddenly enveloped him in a bear hug, tears streaming down his face, "We thought you'd never wake up!"

"Wait what? What's happening?" He tried to hug Hunk back but it was at an awkward angle.

"You were attacked, when we went to the Planet Vesta" Allura spoke calmly, though clearly concerned, he found it cute how worried she was about him.

"I was?" He replied, looking up and down himself to try and see and any signs of him being hurt.

"We put you in a healing pod though, so you were fine, but you still didn't wake up" Allura kept speaking for the group as everyone else seemed to be too distressed.

Lance let out a small "oh..." because looking at himself again, he was in one of the healing pod suits, which meant at least someone must of seen all the doodles on his arm. It wasn't enough for them to know, but it could raise suspicion, and he wanted to avoid that at any cost.

"What do you remember then?" Shiro was now the one who spoke, gently placing a hand on Lance's shoulder, causing his heart to skip a beat, but he was sure it was just because he was still not over his hero being his teammate.

"Uhh... I remember waking up, then there was a lot of blue and I couldn't breathe, something hit me, and then I blacked out" he said slowly, looking at the ground trying to grasp at the memories before they floated away. "How long has it been?"

"Well, you had two days in the healing pod, then came out yesterday, so, longer than it should've been" Pidge piped up from towards the back of the group, he noticed she was wearing his jacket, but decided to think about it later.

"Hm, no wonder I'm hungry" he thought out loud. As much as Lance liked being the centre of attention, the words he just stated were actually truthful.

"Well I cooked a lot to pass the time while you were out, so I'm sure there's something in the kitchen" Hunk fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously.

"Thanks, buddy" He started to get up, and Shiro, Allura, and even Keith ran to his side in case he fell. "Guys... I'm fine?" He ignored them and started walking to the kitchen, maybe being the centre of attention wasn't so fun when it was because people were patronising you. Especially if it was your friends.

****

"But I need to train! Shiro! You're always saying we can't take days off!"

"Yes, but, we've never had someone not wake up after coming out of a pod, you need to rest!"

"But I'm completely fine!"

"Lance, you fell on the way to the kitchen"

"I did not 'fall' I tripped! They're different"

"You're not training while you're not capable, end of"

Lance sighed as Shiro walked out the room, sitting down on his bed, putting his head in his hands. He hated everyone thinking just because he stayed unconscious for one more day, that meant he apparently couldn't do anything. Granted, it was true he almost passed out on the way to the kitchen an hour ago, but that was probably just grogginess from waking up. He sighed, automatically reaching under his pillow to grab his pen, he drew a line that wrapped around his wrist, as though trying to cut off the circulation. It took a minute, but his soulmate quickly answered, drawing a line next to his, crossing over it slightly.

"Lance? You good?" Hunk's voice came from the doorway, Lance quickly pulled his sleeve down as his friend came into his room and sat down next to him concerned, putting a hand on his back comfortingly, acting as though he hadn't seen the lines on his arm, though he must of.

"Yeah... just tired..." he looked up at his friend, an unreadable expression was on Hunk's face.

"Uh, Lance, I've been meaning to ask you, I was the one who changed you into the healing suit, since we were roommates at the Garrison, I figured you wouldn't mind, but I noticed some weird drawings up your arm, and you seemed really uncomfortable when you realised you were in the... the suit and I just wanted to ask if you were okay?" Hunk seemed extremely nervous about asking him, especially since it seemed like he has rehearsed what he was going to say. He was worried, but Lance realised later that it was understandable, as he would also be confused if Hunk kept something so simple, so secret.

"Oh, yeah, I doodle on my arm a lot... not really sure why..." he looked to the left, clenching his hand into a fist.

"Then why did you keep it secret? I mean, you never drew in front of us, not that it's a problem, I just want to know if you're okay... so why did you? If you don't mind me asking..."

Lance sighed. He knew there was no real reason in keeping it from Hunk, but it was so personal, he viewed it as his identity, of defined him in a way, but then again, he didn't like Hunk being worried, so he grabbed his sleeve and lifted it up.

"The blue is my drawings, and the red... is my soulmate's..." he waited for a reaction.

"You have a...?"

"Yeah... but I don't really want the rest of the team to know... is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course..." Hunk took a moment to take it in, he had always known about them since his cousin had one, but he never really thought of the possibility that someone else would. "I'm really happy for you, have you tried writing to them?" He looked down at Lance's arm to try and spot any sign of them conversing.

Lance gave a soft but bitter chuckle "More times than I can count, they've never answered..." he stared at the ground, self deprecating thoughts clouding his mind.

"I'm sorry... I get it's... personal... but if it's any consolation, I'm sure you'll find them one day..." Hunk tried.

"Yeah, I'm sure that'll happen when I'm a billion miles away from earth flying in a giant magical space cat"

Hunk looked slightly taken aback by Lance's sarcasm but then seemed to remember it probably wasn't directed at him.

"I'm sorry..." Lance sighed, it wasn't Hunk's fault that the person who was supposed to love him no matter what, apparently hated him.

"I'm gonna go help Pidge with... with a thing..." Hunk got up, walking over to the door "I hope you feel better soon..."

Lance just nodded in response, leaning back on his bed.

****

He knew he shouldn't be training, but with so many thoughts in his head, he had to. He also knew that he should work on close up combat, not ranged like he was used to, but he didn't care at this point.

He got half an hour of shooting and leaping while epically kicking off walls to turn himself around before someone walked past the room and spotted him, specifically, Keith.

"Lance? I thought you weren't meant to be training?" Keith walked into the room, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms like he always did.

"Uhh... oops?" Lance shrugged before shooting another target.

"No but really, why are you here?" Keith watched him start to try extra hard, because he couldn't let Keith think he was weak.

"I... I don't know... I just" Lance turned to him after he had finished.

"You had to?" Lance nodded "Yeah... I get it" Keith walked over to where the weapons were stored, and got out two training swords, he flipped one over, offering the handle to Lance, who raised an eyebrow at him. "Come on, you can't always be the sharpshooter"

Lance rolled his eyes but took the practice sword, then didn't leave Keith anytime to prepare before going to stab him in the side, he quickly dodged and a smirk appeared on his face.

He retaliated by going to swing at Lance but he blocked Keith with his sword, using the momentum to push himself away. Lance took this as his turn to try and stab his shoulder, but Keith had already raised his sword to swing again, so the stabbing had to be postponed while he blocked the sword from digging into his side.

They continued fighting for around twenty minutes, each of them getting more and more violent as the time when on, both trying to one up the other. Until eventually Keith knocked Lance's sword out of his hand, and they watched as it skid across the floor of the training room, both breathing heavily, they sat down, well, practically collapsed.

"That was really good..." Keith started, looking up to smile at him, "for you"

"Hey! I'm great at combat!" Lance pouted, crossing his arms, a blush creeping up on his face.

Keith rolled his eyes, that same half-grin he'd had on the entire time was still there.

"Seriously though, considering that whole healing pod thing, that wasn't bad" Keith tilted his head slightly to let Lance know he was serious.

Lance felt his face start to grow even more red. His hands began to shake. His feelings were fluttering inside him, making him feel sick. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be.

Keith seemed to pick up on this "You okay? Are you feeling sick again?"

"Yeah... I'm fine... thanks...uh... I... I've gotta go..." he stuttered before dashing back to his room, tears welling up in his eyes. He got to his destination and shut the door rather forcefully. Forgetting to turn on the light, he ran to the other side of the room, sitting down and desperately trying to wipe his tears.

He wouldn't allow himself to like Keith. He was straight, he had to be. And if he wasn't? He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to lose himself. These thoughts only made him cry more. He hated himself for his crush on Keith. It was so stupid. Keith was breaking him. He was breaking the walls Lance'd set up between him and his thoughts with his dumb smile and mindless kind words. It wasn't fair.

Now sobbing, he curled himself into a ball, hoping the thoughts would eventually leave him alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, again, feedback will be very appreciated <3


	3. Rainbow

"Lance? You okay?" He wondered how Shiro had gotten there, since he didn't remember hearing him coming in the room.

"Shiro? Oh I'm fine... just tired"

"I have to bet to differ, I wouldn't class crying in the dark as being 'fine'" Shiro was sitting on the ground next to him, being sure to give him space.

"Alright... I'm not, but I am tired"

"Tired of what exactly?"

Lance sighed. Was he really going to do this? He didn't want to be shunned by the team, but then again Shiro would be the least likely person to do so, and maybe he'd even help him get rid of the feelings.

"Pretending" It seemed like a good answer.

"What's wrong?" Shiro's voice had gone soft and caring, Lance felt sick at the thought that he might not use that tone again with him.

"I... I think I'm lost." He was still debating whether it was a good idea to confess his feelings about Keith. And so he decided to dodge around the real answer as much as possible.

"How are you lost?"

"Well... you know when you think of yourself, and you see someone in your head, but that person is different to who other people see" Lance wasn't sure he was explaining it right, but the way Shiro answered seemed to make him think otherwise.

"Yeah... I get that a lot"

He smiled slightly at Shiro's understanding. "Well it's kinda like that, but it's like now, I can't remember who the person in my head is."

"Do you know why?"

"Well... the thing is... I think I might... or at least, my thoughts are telling me... that I... like boys?" The words tasted dry in his mouth, not quite believing he had said them out loud, he looked over at Shiro nervously.

His expression was one of complete compassion and empathy.

"Lance..." He turned away, not wanting to look at his hero when the next words were spoken. "Did I ever tell you about Adam?" Lance reversed his previous move, confused. He was not expecting those words.

"No?"

"Well... he is-... was my fiancé" Lance's eyes widened, trying to take in the new information.

"And... and you were both guys?"

Shiro merely nodded, but a wave of emotion crashed over Lance.

"So you... and... it was okay?" Shiro kept nodding, figuring it was best to let Lance get over the initial shock first.

Tears formed in his eyes again, and he desperately tried to wipe them away.

"Do you wanna talk about it more?" Shiro asked gently, understanding if Lance needed some time.

He nodded, sniffling slightly.

"What do you want to know then?"

Lance didn't miss a beat before answering "Who am I? Or... what am I? Because... I've always known I've liked girls... but the feelings for guys are new... and I don't really know how to deal with them."

"Well... there are many different genders and sexualities, there's people who like one gender, people who identify as a different gender than that which they were assigned at birth... There's even an group of people under that umbrella term who don't identify with any gender." Shiro explained this so calmly that it was almost like this wasn't changing Lance's view on the world completely.

"So... what am I?"

"Well, who do you like?"

"Well... I... like Allura, and... I think I also like Keith." he could feel himself shaking, as he was finally admitting to the feelings he'd tried so hard to push away.

"I mean, only you can really figure that out, but if you like both binary genders, then you might be bi, as in bisexual."

He thought about it for a while, and decided quite liked the term.

"Okay, how about I'll leave you to think about it and you can come speak to me later if you want?" Lance nodded and Shiro began to get up.

"I just... I never realised that there was so many different people..."

"Sometimes you have to accept how queer you are to see how queer the world is... that goes for everything, not just finding out who you are."

Lance smiled as he sniffled and wiped his face "You're literally the textbook definition of the protagonist's father figure, you know that right?"

Shiro responded without a moments hesitation "Well now you have to decide whether Keith is the love interest or antagonist."

"See?! This is what I'm talking about!"

****

He really did like the label 'bi'.

It had been a few weeks since his conversation with Shiro, and he'd finally started to feel better about himself.

"I am bi." He told the ceiling of his room late at night. The words had started off feeling strange and new, but slowly they turned into being comforting, knowing that it is what he was. And it also meant that he was unique, but that didn't mean he was alone. He was different. And he was beginning to be okay with that.

He practiced saying it every night to himself, and it really did help him. And after a while it started to become normal. And with each day, he felt like he was getting to know himself better.

He was part of a community now, and he couldn't be happier about it.

****

"Remember, The Planet Obso has a toxic atmosphere around it to protect itself, so we can only pass through in a certain space of time, meaning we only have a few Vargas there, we need to be careful." Allura sounded unsure about this plan but knew they needed to make an alliance with this planet.

"We'll be okay, Princess." Shiro reassured her. Ready to get in the Black lion with her and Coran, Pidge said she'd take Hunk in Green, which meant Keith was taking Lance. They didn't want to take too many lions as it'd be harder to get them all back to the castle. But Lance knew those five minutes alone with Keith were going to be hell.

"Of course... just, go in, make a good impression, and go out." Allura was pacing back and forth, clearly stressing herself out.

"It'll be fine, let's just get ourselves into the lions now okay?" Coran was also attempting to calm her down.

Lance walked up to her just before they got into the lions.

"Allura? I've been meaning to ask you something..."

"Lance? What is it?"

"Do... Do alteans have soulmates?"

She paused for a moment.

"No... what are they? Is it an Earth thing?"

"Oh... okay... and yeah, it's an Earth thing." He looked at the ground. He knew he shouldn't be too disappointed, but he had really hoped it would be someone he knew. And if that wasn't enough, he was now about to get in a cramped space with bi crush number three.

They all got into their respective lions, Lance's heart going a million beats a minute.

He clicked his tongue absentmindedly, trying to take deep breaths.

Keith glanced over at him "You okay? You seem nervous?" Lance debated on how to answer for a while, on one hand, he could say he was fine but if Keith was totally sure something was off it would be suspicious, but on the other, he could make up another reason why he was nervous, but that would be admitting he was nervous in the first place. Neither option seemed appealing.

"I'm just worried about getting back in time... that's all." At least he wasn't completely lying, that was something that was slightly bothering him, but for him, there was a much bigger issue right now. He had accepted that he was bi. He didn't know if he had quite accepted that he had a crush on Keith yet.

Keith responded with a simple "okay" as they began to get closer to the planet. Lance gripped the back of the chair so he wouldn't fall over as he raced through his mind to find something, anything to say, but there was nothing.

They landed after a short while, that seemed like it took a lot longer than it did, and both got out of the lion, looking over the crowd of Obsolions. They seemed almost human- except they all had webbed hands and multicoloured skin, so it was like looking out over a rainbow.

They put on their best smiles as the aliens swarmed them, asking too many questions in high-pitched voices.

"Look! I match the blue paladin!" One of the children screamed to their friend, Lance immediately noticed they had bright blue skin.

"Well, I match the red paladin, and he's a lot cooler than your one!" Lance's face fell a little, he knew they were just kids being kids, and they didn't even know him, but his thoughts didn't seem to think so. The first child didn't even have time to shout "Is not!" Before a female alien, presumably their mother, stepped forward to scold the other kid, demanding them to apologise. He felt another shock as he realised they reminded him of his own mama, and found himself wondering what he wouldn't give to be having a lecture shouted at him for running away right in that moment.

He didn't actually see if the kid said sorry or not, because Shiro's hand appeared on his shoulder, asking if he was okay.

"Yeah, you?"

"I don't know... Allura's stressing out and I hate seeing her upset." Shiro looked over at the princess, who was talking with the leader of the planet, a very fake smile dancing over her face.

"I'm sure she'll be fine." Lance told Shiro and himself, ignoring the Obsolion vigorously tapping his shoulder. The black paladin sighed before nodding and walking away, Lance turned around, finally offering his attention to the new alien.

"Hey hey! Come with me!" It seemed more like a statement than a request but he allowed the young creature to pull him along anyway.

Allura must of noticed them as she spoke through the intercom "Lance? Where are you going?"

"I don't really know, but I'm sure it's not far."

"I'm not sure we should be going anywhere." Lance knew she was right, and so he leaned down apologetically.

"I'm sorry, but-" with those three words the kid's face fell, looking as though the planet had blown up and it was all their fault. He sighed.

"Look, Allura, I'm positive it's not far, please can I go?"

"Fine, but be back soon."

The alien smiled and started to lead him away again without saying anything.

Lance was half right, it wasn't too far, but he started to get worried when he looked around and couldn't see the others in the distance anymore. Trying to distract himself, he looked around to where the alien had brought him, and once he did, he gasped in surprise.

There were what seemed like houses, all in a row, except they looked more like caves, with open entrances, inviting other people in. Inside each of the caves, crystals hung like fairy lights, all different colours as though replicating their rainbow skin. He was suddenly reminded of home again when he realised how similar the houses looked to all the dens he'd make with his younger relatives. Lance smiled sadly when he remembered how he would always be the one to knock them down, either by accident or to annoy them. He didn't notice the alien trying to bring him back to reality for a few seconds.

They smiled when they managed it, leading him inside one of the house-cave things and through a passageway, still not talking. They ended up in a room with what seemed like a bed, and no windows.

"Granny? Look- I... I brought you the blue paladin." The alien's voice was quiet and almost nervous, Lance noticed there was significantly less crystals in this room. He was lead forward, it was only then he noticed someone lying in the bed, her green skin was wrinkled and her figure was frail, showing she must have been extremely old.

She grasped his hand suddenly, smiling up at him. Lance quickly realised the grandma must have wanted to see the paladins, but was too elderly to. He felt a sudden protectiveness over the kid, who had appeared so upset when he had said he couldn't go.

"Hi, ma'am." He stuttered slightly, knowing this was most likely really important for both of the aliens.

"My goodness, how clever of you, you really managed to get one of them here." Her voice shook as she praised her grandchild, whose eyes had become watery.

"You're gonna save us, aren't you? You're gonna save my darling?" She turned to Lance, smiling hopefully.

"Definitely. We'll all protect this planet and the whole universe." He was confident about that. He had to be.

"Lance?! Where are you?" He heard the princess's voice in his ears. Stepping away from the bed, he asked why. "Well, time works differently here and we forgot to calculate accordingly. So we have to leave. Now."

He apologised to the family as he ran out the den, going in the direction he remembered coming from. He felt bad for the short meeting, but it wasn't really his fault.

"Okay, how long do I have?"

Pidge's voice joined the conversation "Well, considering the atmosphere is closing over at..." she trailed off as she muttered her calculations "2.5 minutes." Lance broke out into a run at her words.

"Right... can you see where I am?" She said something about checking her map.

"Oh quiznak... it doesn't look like you'll make it..." A silence was left for a few seconds.

"Then go." Lance was still running, but he didn't really know why.

"Lance-"

"We can't afford the Castle to get attacked, go, you can pick me up later." There was another silence.

"Okay"

"I'm staying." Keith's voice rang in his ears, making him sigh with annoyance.

"No you're not."

"Yes I am, if the castle gets attacked we won't be able to form voltron anyway."

"But four lions are better than three! Go! I'll be fine"

"I'm staying."

Lance sighed at his stubbornness.

"Fine. But fly red over here, I don't wanna walk anymore."

He sat down, looking at the sky, watching a grey cloud that must have been the toxin, close over them, and he spotted two specks that must of been the others, fly through the gap just in time.

All of the others, except Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO ITS NEVER GOING TO BE MENTIONED BUT ADAM DOESN'T DIE BECAUSE I'M STILL MAD ABOUT THAT
> 
> Thanks for reading, feedback is really appreciated!


	4. In The Middle

No one said anything for a while, both of them sitting in the red lion, doing nothing. They didn't really want to the aliens to know they were still there, as Keith had said he couldn't deal with introducing himself again today and Lance couldn't stop thinking about the kid and their grandma.

"Did you really have to stay?" Lance suddenly spoke up, thinking about how the castle could be under attack as they were sat doing nothing. The communication with the team seemed to cut out as soon as they left, probably something to do with the toxic cloud above them. 

"I couldn't just leave you..." Keith mumbled, staring at the ground intensely.

"But they could be in danger..." Lance stood up and began pacing. 

"I'm sure they're not, the atmosphere will open up again soon and we'll be in touch with the others again." Keith crossed his arms, sighing. 

"We wouldn't even know... or be able to help."

"Lance. I'm telling you, they're sitting up there, probably as bored as we are."

He kept pacing, not really knowing what it was achieving. 

"Could you please stop pacing?" 

"Yeah... sorry." He sat back down opposite Keith, slightly embarrassed, but not letting it show. "What do you wanna do then?" 

"I don't know... we could play a game of some sorts?" 

Lance thought about suggesting spin the bottle as a joke but didn't know if it was a good idea, then he realised unlike himself that was. Usually he would just speak his thoughts out loud without much reasoning. He hated that Keith of all people had that affect on him.

"Hm... what about 'would you rather?'"

"Sure, whatever." Keith stated moodily, going to back to being unconcerned about Lance's worrying.

"Fine, I'll go first... would you rather... lick the red lion's claw or have to look after a baby Coran for two years?" Lance said thoughtfully. There was a short silence.

"...What kind of would you rather is that?" 

"Well what do you wanna play?!" Lance sighed. Why did he like this idiot? 

"...what about mind meld?" 

"What the hell is that?" Lance turned away, still annoyed about the criticism of his brilliant 'would you rather'. "Actually, don't tell me, how about rock paper scissors? You win, and I have to play that game, I win, and you have to answer my question." He smiled triumphantly. 

Keith considered this offer "Fine."

Lance moved over to the other side of red and held out his hand, Keith did the same. They moved their hands up and down together, finally ending with Keith's hand out flat and Lance's in a fist, the red paladin smiled as he wrapped his 'paper' around Lance's 'rock'. Lance was suddenly very aware of Keith's hand touching his, but tried to ignore it. 

"Okay, how do you play?"

"Well, think of a word, then we say them at the same time and then we have to think of a new word that relates to both of the first word. We keep saying the words out loud until we say the same word"

Lance thought it sounded a bit complicated but tried to think of a word all the same. He looked around, seeing Keith do the same from the corner of his eye, until his eyes landed on his own arm, it was underneath his armour but he felt as though he could see the two ink colours through the space suit. 

"Okay, I've got one" 

"Me too. Three, two, one"

"Blue." "Red." They both spoke at the same time, looking at each other; it was rather coincidental that they had said their corresponding lion colours.

Lance suddenly realised how close he had actually gotten just for rock paper scissors, and he started to feel all fluttery again.

"Okay... three..."

Lance started to get nervous too, not completely sure why. 

"two..."

His face was growing warm now as well, as though his whole body was against him.

"one..."

"Purple." They spoke in union.

Lance hardly had time to smile at the fact they had got it right first time before Keith's lips pressed against his. 

His initial reaction was to kiss back, because, it was Keith, but then he remembered. This was wrong. He had a soulmate. But he still felt himself leaning into it. Keith was magical. As though there was a whole world around him that had finally let Lance in. But it was still wrong. 

He pulled away, regretting it immediately.

"This is... I can't..." he gripped his arm, holding back tears. Keith's face formed an expression of both disappointment at Lance pulling away, and horror of what he had just done. They both jumped when Pidge's voice appeared in their ears.

"Lance? Keith? The atmosphere is opening up, but I think only for a little while."

Keith came to his senses and ran to his seat, "Okay, we're on are way."

Lance didn't let go of his arm the entire journey back.

****

A few weeks went by, all of them excruciatingly painful. They hardly regarded each other's existence, and it was obvious the team was going to notice the lack of playful bickering between both of them. But it seemed like they had thought maybe the two had got bored of it, and so no one said anything about it. 

However, eventually someone would have to say something. Lance just didn't think it'd be Pidge.

They were up late playing a video game Pidge had programmed herself, in her free time, which meant it wasn't the best because she hadn't focused too much on it, but it was playable. 

Lance grabbed another one of Hunk's space cookies and stuffed it in his mouth before trying to hit Pidge's pixelated character in the face with a gold weapon of some sorts. She retaliated by swinging a blue weapon, it may have been diamond or something, Lance didn't care, he only cared about winning. The blue thing knocked his character over, and a 'You win!' Appeared on Pidge's side of the screen while a 'You lose!' Flickered on Lance's. 

"That's not fair, you made the game." He sighed, pressing yes for a rematch.

"Keep telling yourself that." She pushed her glasses up her nose. "Uh... I wanted to ask..." she paused, "...why are you and Keith not talking to each other anymore? Are you mad at each other?"

Lance stared at the screen blankly, trying not to let any emotion seep through. One of the cons of being Pidge's friend was that while she was incredibly observant, she was also terrible at reading people, which meant she often picked up on things, but then misjudged the situation. 

"Huh... I didn't really notice." He lied without taking his gaze away from the screen. Pidge gave him a look of 'I don't believe you but I know you want me to so I'm going to pretend like I do.' Lance took this as an opportunity to hit her character with a weapon, and the victory screen appeared in front of him, and he cheered, glad there would be a change of subject. He didn't want to talk about Keith.

****

And if that whole thing was bad, his soulmate had stopped responding. Nothing at all. 

He hadn't noticed it at first, as there were still lines there from the nights before, he just figured he kept missing them actually drawing, but after a week, he realised something was wrong. He didn't want to lose them. They were a part of him that was consistent. And most likely a part that connected him to earth. He couldn't lose them.

"Please respond." 

He tried to write it in the neatest handwriting possible, but it was difficult since his hands were shaking. Hunk found him in his room, sobbing in a heap on the floor. He lifted him onto his bed and got a blanket that he wrapped round both of them.

"What's wrong?" Hunk put his hand on Lance's arm gently, looking at his best friend with enough compassion in his eyes for the whole universe.

"I... I'm bi..." Lance stared at the ground, feeling like he did with Shiro, the words were still strange coming out of his mouth, even though he had practiced so much. The thought that all those nights of him clasping onto the label had gone to waste made him start crying again. 

"Hey, it's okay." Hunk wiped one of his tears away and smiled kindly. "I support you."

Lance hugged his best friend, incredibly glad to have him. 

"But... it's not just that... it's- there's... a lot to explain." He sniffed, wiping his face on the blanket.

"Do you want to explain it?" 

Lance nodded. "I- I like Keith." He looked at the floor again.

"Oh... so that's what all those silences were about." Hunk spoke sympathetically. Lance nodded again in response.

"But... it's wrong... I have a soulmate... but they've stopped responding... and I... I don't know what to do." His voice was shaking along with his hands. Hunk didn't really know what to say so he just pulled him into another hug.

"How about we go make cookies to take your mind off things?" Hunk asked after a while.

"Okay..." They both stood up, blanket still wrapped around Lance as they set off for the kitchen. Once they got there, Lance hopped up to sit on the counter as Hunk began to take out the ingredients. 

Just then, Keith walked in, and the room got uncomfortably tense.

He slowly walked over to the fridge and got a drink out, he was getting ready to go back to his room when Pidge walked in.

"Oh, you're all making cookies without me? How rude." She smiled as she spoke, but she quickly picked up on the atmosphere of the room.

"Actually I'm just leaving..." Keith stated before quickly making his escape.

They all stood there for a moment, unsure what to say, Lance felt like crying all over again. But he was a bit tired of it. 

Pidge said something about programming and walked out, Lance put his head in his hands. 

"So... does Keith know?" Hunk asked while mixing in the sugar.

"I don't know... he... maybe..." Lance didn't know if he should tell him about the kiss. Because it wasn't really a kiss, not that Lance could describe it with any other word. But it was also Keith who kissed him, and Lance really didn't want to out him. 

Lance helped to roll the cookies out into balls before putting them into the oven, but he didn't do anything else, so he set the timer for Hunk.

After a while of them talking, not really about anything in particular, Lance lifted up his sleeve, not being surprised when there was no answer. 

"Thanks for the... everything, Hunk, but I think I'm gonna go back to my room." Hunk nodded and waved to him while checking the timer. 

Lance didn't go back to his room.

It went to the control room, because he needed the stars, similar to how he needed the ocean when he was back on earth. It was upsetting he couldn't recognise any constellations, but it didn't change his opinion on needing them. He needed their consistent brightness and their contrast between the sky, as though mocking it.

He sat down once he got there, staring at the stars flying past, he began to cry again, confused, abandoned and missing home.

He got his pen out and pulled the cap off with his teeth, staring at his arm. He pulled up his sleeve.

He could've doodled for an hour or a minute, it wouldn't matter, he didn't know. He only knew that when he looked at his arm again, it was almost completely covered in blue ink, and there was no red. His soulmate wouldn't come back.

He put the pen away and curled into himself, wanting nothing more than to just disappear. 

And then he heard the doors opening behind him. He was ready for Hunk's voice, maybe Pidge's, but there was only silence.

He turned around and saw the last person he wanted to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I'm so sorry for not updating for a while, I was really stressed over mock exams, but now it's Christmas so hopefully I'll be writing more. I hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! This is my first work so feedback will be really appreciated.


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